Big Brother

Madeline: "Dad, I was watching the news at school. What is the NSA?"

Me: "Well... you know how you and your siblings have that Elf-on-the-Shelf?"

Madeline: "Yep. He watches us for Santa."

Me: "Correct. He's kinda like Santa's own version of the NSA."

Madeline: "I get it now."

Comfy couches

(At the dinner table, about 3 minutes ago.)

Michelle: "Rachael, what was the best and worst part of your day today?" 
Rachael: "My best part of the day was getting off the bus after school, and the worst part was eating this slop."
Michelle: "That wasn't very nice."
Rachael (*whispering*): "Did I say that right, Daddy?"

(**Anyone have a spare couch I can crash on tonight?)